There are times when I blame the life I live in for not getting things done.
IEPs, camp forms, medical forms for each camp form, school forms, school memos, school letters, medical forms, bank forms, report cards, blah blah blah. Many of you understand, in our paperless society, that we drown in paper due to our child having a disability. I have really tired of completing these long, drawn out stories I write each year, especially the ones I have written over and over again for the past several years that must accompany most forms.
Now not only do I have all the same issues to deal with, but I also need to contact the Commissioner of the Vulnerable Person’s Office to find out why they can’t seem to spell my son’s name correctly after advising them 3 times or is it too late to get my son booked into camps for the summer or why hasn’t our Medical Insurance paid over $500.00 in claims for the past several months, BUT now I am dealing with two new issues.
The big one is my father. After 10 years of dealing with prostate cancer, it has now spread to his bones. He has chosen, after an incredible 82 years of an amazing life to not seek treatment. I completely and totally respect that choice. The problem is I live 1,500 kms away from him and the pain inside me is immense at times.
In an eye-opening moment Monday night, while laying in my bed in the fetal position, I realized I am procrastinating seeing him. I don’t want to go say goodbye. My own husband lost his dad in a blink of eye. One minute I was eating a donut and having a coffee with George, and that night, George passed away. Now I have an opportunity to go say my goodbyes and I don’t want to because they will be exactly that, ‘goodbyes’.
Also last year I choose to take a new direction with my job. I decided to return to full-time work and take some steps into the Estate and Trust business with the bank I work for. It’s been a huge learning curve for me, but I sincerely have enjoyed most of my moments there. Unfortunately, it was a contract position and after being renewed several times, that kind of, sort of, maybe, possibly is coming to an end. Which makes planning really difficult. Planning to see my dad, planning for Respite and Camps for the summer. Just plain old planning. And then of course, there is the OMG I don’t have a job thought that keeps popping into my head, followed by “WT frick were you thinking” thoughts.
Throughout this, I am studying for a major exam. One that I should have written probably a year ago, but I procrastinated because life is too busy. So finally I booked the exam date for the end of April, not realizing this was all going to happen. I realize all these months I have been ‘reading’ the course material, I should have been studying it. See what happens when you don’t take an educational course in 10 years?
So during the past two weeks, I have had a couple of meltdowns. The most recent being Monday evening, to which I granted myself 7 minutes from beginning to end. Why you ask? Because 1) everyone was laughing in the kitchen doing the Easter dishes and having a good time 2) I have a ton of paperwork piled up on my desk at home that I am not getting through 3) I have about 40 emails to return, to which I haven’t started 4) a list of phone calls I have to make or haven’t returned 5) a good friend I haven’t even called in weeks, actually make that months 6) a bouquet of fruit to order and deliver to a teacher that exemplifies spirit at my son’s highschool 7) minutes from the last Parent Association meeting and well you are getting the picture.
I know better than to procrastinate in my world, but yet I let it happen and now I am paying the price.
Bear with me dear followers, as I maneuver myself through this maze of emotions. For the next several weeks, the posts may be short and sweet and I do promise to bring Part 3 of the Educational System.